I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
