I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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