I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
