your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
