Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
