if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
