I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You've changed since you got that strap on
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
