If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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