I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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