a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
