the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
