watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
