My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
