He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
