And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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