Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
