North Korea, Best Korea!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
