I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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