dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I look better un-naked...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
