I skipped work to stalk him.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
