3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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