If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
