she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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