Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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