so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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