The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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