Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
