you would pick up someone in the library
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
