Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
