I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
