Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
