I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
