my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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