I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
