hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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