Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
