Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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