I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am one with the molecules
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
