i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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