It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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