Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
