its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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