Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
