Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
