i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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