there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
