Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
