i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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