I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I faked an abortion last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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