Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
