i just sent this text using only my big toe
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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