My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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