My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
