I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
