By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
