please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
